What Is It About Men?

It’s almost like a bad nightmare. Not one of those nightmares that you wake up from screaming in a cold sweat and your mom runs into your room telling you that it was “just a dream” and you never have that nightmare again, but a tragic, nine-hour long drama, even longer than the Fast and the Furious series, that feels like it lasts a lifetime. And sadly for some women, it does. This is not a nightmare. This is real life.

Being a twenty-three year-old woman in 2018, one year removed from college, I can absolutely say, that until now there has never been a time in my life where I have been more confused, hurt, (there’s a long list of words that I can use in this instance but we’ll just stick with these) and ashamed by the mindset and state of our country, society and specifically the disgraceful, appalling and scandalous actions of the opposite sex - the men of America.

What is it about men? When did this start? Where did we (they) go wrong? Why is this such a commonality for men in all professions? From Hollywood film producer, Harvey Weinstein, to NBC’s “beloved” morning news anchor, Matt Lauer, to NFL Live analysts Marshall Faulk, Donovan McNabb, Warren Sapp and company, and DONALD TRUMP, THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES (sorry that needed much emphasis), it doesn't matter who they are or what they do for a living, at the end of the day they’re all just regular men with the same distasteful mentality.

I titled this piece What is it About Men after the late Amy Winehouse’s (2011) 2003 song “What is it About Men?” written about her father’s infidelity towards her mother and her challenge with understanding why he would do that to the woman he says he loves. After listening to it more than a few times and reading the lyrics, I was certain that this song relates entirely to this situation - conscious decisions being made sporadically and insensitively out of ignorance and complete disregard for the other party’s feelings. How do we let this happen?

Over the past few decades women have evolved immensely. If you really want to go back in history you could say that women were - and still are - like the center and driving force of societal success, being the backbone to everyone - men, children, etc. - like the nucleus of the cell. Men felt superior because of power, status, career, class (front and center) as opposed to women who used to feel inferior like their place was only in the home (behind the scenes making sure “they look good”). As time went on and generations changed so did women. We rose to the occasion by developing and advancing with culture and society. Taking on the workforce by storm and making a statement professionally and economically for ourselves.

And that’s not the only statement.

As we found ourselves in powerful, higher-level positions and began to realize that we don’t need a man to feel accepted or even to just live our lives, we felt that it was the time to hold these men accountable for using and abusing the best thing that has ever happened to them. From the first sexual assault accusation on Bill Cosby by Andrea Constand in 2005 and dozens of other women to Rose McGowan and Gwenyth Paltrow alongside many other women accusing Harvey Weinsten to the nineteen women who have accused Donald Trump of sexual misconduct. It was time.

Let’s get one thing straight: it’s not all men! But it is enough of them and they need to take responsibility for their actions.

We’re only into the first week of January and people are already calling these sexual assault/misconduct scandals a “thing of last year” or a “thing of the past”. As a woman what would I (we) look like standing by comments like those and not saying anything? And as a person, how can I (we, again) hear that and accept it?

So far in my life I’ve learned that some people have to go through dark situations in order to see that there is light on the other side and that in order for most people to understand what you are going through they may need to experience what you’re going through. Both of these truths reasonable but problematic so it is up to all of us to prove to them, and ourselves, that we can see wrong doing and point it out and that being able to see another person’s pain, listen to their problem and take it seriously isn’t improbable.

It is up to us to see right and wrong and be able to differentiate the two. No sugar-coating, beating around bushes, cushions or elbow pads. It’s up to us as a society and as a human race to stick up for each other, acknowledge the problem(s), work hard to fix it, learn from it and move on.

Senior year of college an old professor of mine told me that even after you graduate from school, you (should) never stop learning.

By the looks of it, we’ve got a lot more learning to do.

Relatable songs: Hound Dog - Elvis Presley, If I Were A Boy - Beyonce, We Are the World - U.S.A for Africa.

References:

Francescani, Chris and Fisher, Luchina. “Bill Cosby trial: A timeline of what's happened since 2004”. ABC News. 12 June 2017. http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/bill-cosby-trial-complete-timeline-happened-2004/story?id=47799458.

Cooney, Samantha. “Here Are All the Public Figures Who’ve Been Accused of Sexual Misconduct After Harvey Weinstein”. TIME. 5 January 2018 Updated. http://time.com/5015204/harvey-weinstein-scandal/.